• What I said: Watch this show it's really good
    • What I meant: For the love of God please watch this I need friends who understand my pain I need someone to talk about it with that hasn't heard all my opinions a billion times please I am begging you
    • Me: *out for dinner with my dad because we were too lazy to cook*
    • Random Old Lady: *comes up out of know where with the most judgmental look ever* (will also be refereed to as 'ROL')
    • ROL: Isn't he a little old for you?
    • Me: Well, considering he's my Dad, I'd say that your a judgmental hag.
    • Dad: *chokes into his drink*
    • ROL: You should respect your elders.
    • Me: You should respect your youth, we're the ones who'll decide on whether or not to pull your cord in like, what? Five weeks?
    • Dad: *chokes on his drink again*
    • ROL: *storms off*
    • Dad: *looks at me with a disapproving look*
    • Me: What?
    • Dad: Come on, you and I both know it will be three weeks.

    anotherjourneybytrain:

    australian-government:

    I hate when people ask questions during movies like do you not understand that the movie purposly doesn’t tell you things in order to build suspense

    "Who are they?" "What’s going on?" I DON’T KNOW, I HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE FILM AT THE SAME TIME AS YOU, I DID NOT WRITE THE FUCKING SCRIPT.

    (via we-are-all-a-bit-mad-here)

    miraclesweek » first significant breakdown

    (Source: ascacious, via ubercelly)

    "I’m not some BL character!"
    says the BL character (via captainarlert)

    (via kurotalia-kami)

    (Source: daciio, via flamingfeanor)

    nonomella:

    my chinese students really love english profanity because they dont get in trouble for it

    i try to just ignore it so they don’t get a reaction and keep using it

    but today during a creative writing exercise, a character was arguing with a dragon, and the kids needed to decide what the character would yell

    this one kid raises his hand and calmly submits his suggestion of “f*ck you, you foolish dragon motherf*cker”

    i dont know its just 

    its difficult not to react to that

    (via magicalgirlwandamaximoff)

    lukehemmign:

    whitebeltwriter:

    dual-destininies:

    derples:

    dual-destininies:

    tf2-fandomstuck:

    tiniestshorts:

    Bread knife

    The french have grown more powerful. 

    Hold it!

    Look more closely at these photographs, Your Honor.

    Notice anything strange about the bread?

    I didn’t either. That’s because…

    …no cuts were made there in the first place!

    The witness forged the photographs to make it look like they had an actual bread knife, when they actually did not!

    How, you ask? Look to the second photo.

    While it is quite obvious that the knife is penetrating the top half of the breadstick, I’m not sure about the bottom half.

    Looks pretty flat, doesn’t it?

    The angle of the photo makes it look like the knife is in the witness’s breadstick, whilst it is actually behind it. In addition, the cut was actually made after the first photograph and before the second. Continue to the third photograph.

    It is also taken from a flat angle, as was the second photograph. I’m sure you’re finding something missing in this photograph as well, Your Honor. Where is the index finger’s fingertip?

    This illustration explains it all.

    While I am… ahem, not the best artist…

    (Didn’t I go to art school?)

    The index finger is hidden behind the loaf of bread. It is not wrapping around the loaf of bread. This is because…

    The witness was making space to put the knife’s handle!

    Objection

    Are you really that dull, Wright? For a man who majored in art you should be able to recognize a sculpture when you see one.

    as we can see from the photos provided, this is quite obviously plastic.

    if you look at any photo of real bread it can’t attain that level of shininess, and even if it could.

    If you’ll notice in this picture, the bread on the inside is quite shiny, as well.

    Tell me, Wright, have you ever seen real bread gleam that much? Don’t answer that, I will.

    Even in this high-resolution photograph with bread that thick, it obviously wouldn’t shine on the inside when it isn’t buttered.

    And it isn’t too hard to find the item in question with a quick google search.

    Oh, and if you will notice, their hand was covering the seam where the bread was taken apart in the first photo with a simple comparison of the pattern on the bread.

    It appears your lawyering skills are in much need of some sharpening if you expect to cut me down with that weak objection.

    Edgeworth, you’re asking yourself the wrong question. It’s not “is there bread like that…”

    You should be asking “can there be bread like that?”

    Sweet bread can be infused with sugar or a syrup, making the outsides shinier- and the insides sweeter. Take a look.

    Furthermore. there are parts of the witness’s bread knife that don’t just match up with the novelty bread knives you have presented. Take another look.

    Let me point out two things about the novelty knives: one, their markings, and two, the placement of the knife itself.

    In the novelty knives, the marks are artificial-looking and repeated. That is because they are manufactured. In the witness’s photo, the marks are more natural and realistic- because they are, well, real!

    Furthermore, the blades on the novelty knives are in the middle of the handle.

    But… look back at the witness’s photo. The knife is to the left? Where is the problem, you ask? Look at this illustration.

    Here we have the knife, a piece of bread, and a table. Let’s have a go.

    I’m sure you see it now, Your Honor.

    The bread knife cannot actually be used to cut bread efficiently! Even if it was tilted, it would be uncomfortable and unbalanced!

    The defense has an explanation for this positioning.

    The blade is to the left because the witness was holding it behind the piece of bread!

    what the actual fuck tumblr

    (via dearlybelovedfeels)